I licked a Jedi
by Bluedermis
Summary: Them pants thieves sure have big brothers. One shot.


Jedi Master Nuntio Devovemus was meditating in his room. He was a guardian over a group of worlds following the defeat of the Yuuzhan Vong. The world he was on now had been the location of a set of incredibly brutal murders. Daily the number rose, and now Master Skywalker himself had 'advised' him to find the perpetrator. It's not that easy! he wanted to yell at him. There had to be a whole group committing these murders. They were all over the planet. There seemed to be no singular motive. Worse, if there could be, was that the farmers on the planet were complaining of strange new predators slaughtering entire flocks before dying. No comparable creatures had been found on the planet before, but now they had several intact specimens. And worse, they seemed to be growing humongous in number. And no, they weren't killing the people. It was an entirely different modus operandi, and the murderers had even been (Nuntio shivered at the thought) EATING parts of the bodies, most commonly the brains... It just didn't seem to be making sense.

Now if that wasn't enough (and it was, if Nuntio thought about it) there looked to be another Yuuzhan Vong fleet coming into the system, and when it had been detected riots had started breaking out. People going rampant with killing and destruction. The Stormtroopers had been split, some trying to stop the riots with weapons, others trying to sit it out, and still others taking up arms and rioting too!

It was all too much for Nuntio to deal with, so he decided to meditate and hope the Force would work through him to solve these problems. And it was peaceful here, not one being besides him for fift- wait. He had felt something. He tried to let the Force flow through him, but the Force seemed hateful and angry. He could hear it in his mind if he let it open too greatly. Like a flood of hunger and killing. He quickly closed the connection to a trickle, and took his light saber. He could still use that damn well effectively.

He strode out into the corridor, and ignited his light saber. Whatever it was, it wouldn't take him unaware. Something hissed behind him and he turned. It was just the door. He took a couple of deep breaths and told himself to calm down. The corridor was completely illuminated, damn it, nothing would be able to sneak past. Something told him to drop to the ground and he did, just as something flew through the air where his head had been, and come back just as quickly. Someone was actually trying to kill him! And whoever it was, they had clearly been the ones to try and block his Force connection. He quickly jumped back up and put his light saber in a guard position. Someone lurked in the corridor ahead. Someone with a cloak, somehow. He tried to reach out with the trickle of the Force he could safely bring to bear...there! To his right! He swung out and something jumped. He could see it now. It was some type of unknown alien, and it obviously had terrific reflexes.

And then he looked at its face, and he knew why the desecration of the murdered. No doubt remained in his eyes of what had been causing the murders. This being was definitely the cause.

He swung his light saber out in an attack, and it jumped out of the way again...this could keep going on forever. And someone would surely be calling legitimately, and they could get the guards. Whatever this beast was, it surely wasn't that smart.

In fact, as fast as it was, it wasn't as fast as one of those enhanced by the Force. He could easily make it down the lift and ambush it.

Nuntio made another feint at the being, and as it dodged he jumped up and ran for the turbo lift. He was quick, and the being could not keep up, valiantly though it tried. He extinguished his light saber, and jumped into the turbo lift.

Now he was safe. He could report to the Stormtroopers was the beast looked like, so they would know to shoot on sight. His unconscious was screaming at him that he had forgotten something, so he racked his mind. There had been many murders with a desecrated corpse. The brain had been eaten, for some reason. A close friend had died... But he had put that emotion on the back burner...wait. That was it. They were obviously able to gain information from eating the brains. But his friend was combat trained, unlike him. How had one of those killed him?

And then it hit him. It wasn't a sith. It didn't hunt alone. And he was already dead. It was in the lift with him. And his brain would tell them everything they needed to know.

He calmly took his light saber, ignited it, and sliced through his skull.

When it was reported in, it was of course filed as a suicide. Nobody knew why the Jedi had done it. He had always seemed so full of hope and joy. Master Skywalker himself came to take the body back to the new Jedi Academy.

There were many questions lying around after his death. Why had he done it? The murders had been solved soon after his death. One of the rioters had been identified as the murderer. His guilt had been found by Skywalker himself. The only lasting question was what had happened to Nuntio's brain.


End file.
